There are times in my life when I fear that I fall too much upon my own morals and my own ways. For some reason I feel like I have enough of "it" in me to do it on my own. I'm not sure why, but I'm sure it has to do with the way my life turned out. The crazy thing is that God planned all of it this way. Lately I have gone through a lot, mentally, spiritually, financially. Lots of fear has come along with them too. I'm not sure why, I guess it has to do with my thoughts that I can do it by myself, or muster up enough power to come through. In Luke 3 John the Baptist is talking to a bunch of Jews telling them that they needed to repent and ask for forgiveness and be baptized. The thing was though, that Jews didn't think they had to be baptized or repent. They believed that because they had the Jewish heritage along with the following the law (good works) they were okay. But here is John the Baptist, calling them a brood of vipers, telling them they needed repentance. 7He said therefore to the crowds that came out to be baptized by him, "You brood of vipers! Who warned you to flee from the wrath to come? 8Bear fruits in keeping with repentance. And do not begin to say to yourselves, 'We have Abraham as our father.' For I tell you, God is able from these stones to raise up children for Abraham. 9Even now the axe is laid to the root of the trees. Every tree therefore that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire." I fear sometimes that I'm just like these Jews. I rely on my heritage (upbringing), and my good works (perfectionist) to make peace with God. If I do enough good, act well enough, do what I believe to be the right thing to do, then I must be doing well. I must be living according to the Christian will. I really struggle with the fact that the alter is closed. That my works are like filthy rags, and that I can never do any work that will get me into the gates of heaven. Why does it seem that so much of my life is set up that way then? What causes me to revert to this thought process? 12Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, 13for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure. The one thing that I struggle with right now is that God is trying to lead me to joy. But for some reason, I believe joy is found in other ways. My sin is carrying me over and over to a dry well and Christ is standing there with the freshest water to drink. How long will I take? How much sin does Christ have to remove? When will I start to experience this joy Christ talks about more so than not? How much patience do I need to endure? When will I quit trying to prove something to God? When will I just accept his gift and receive the joy that he talks about. I seem to want the glory more than the joy, or think that the joy can't be had, it must be hard right? It has to be, right? I have to do my part of the tough stuff? Where is that easy yoke and that light burden? Maybe this is what it takes? Maybe this is God's way of working out my salvation? It sure is hard...
JTH
