Ash, 10/20/09
I am writing you this letter on the anniversary of the day that I lost my job now three months ago. We are currently living in Sherman with my parents, and have a beautiful 4-month-old baby girl. We are coming off the high of living in the great city of San Francisco where we spent 7 months of our lives in the Nob Hill neighborhood. What a drastic change of circumstances!
I wanted to write to you for two reasons. The first being, you are my wife, my best friend, and my bride. You took the vow to stand next to me, for better or worse, for richer or poorer. I know almost four years ago, you never would have expected something like this and neither did I. I never planned for you to not have a nursery, a car, our own home, or even the comforts of a routine. I wanted you to have all those things, and I still do. I want you to know that I recognize that this is not just about me. It’s not just about my struggle with what God is doing, that this is equally yours. We are one, yet we have different stories about God’s redemptive work. I must confess, I want to rescue you and take the situation away, remove you from all the sleepless nights, frustrations, and lack of space, but I can’t. God is using every ounce of our “suffering” to bring us closer to him that we may be like him, trusting him with the life he has for us. I know that most of my days have been filled with anguish, my countenance has been down, and I seem hopeless, but I am clinging to the only one who can withstand such a storm. God is big enough for our doubts and amazing enough to love us at our weakest moments of distrust. God’s grace will not run out. He has given us just enough grace for each day and promises to be the grace we need for tomorrow. The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. Lamentations 3:22-23
The second reason I wanted to write to you was to strengthen you (us) through God’s word. God calls me to wash you with his word. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. Ephesians 5:25-27 I wanted to remind you of our great hope in our wonderful God. He has taken care of us up to this moment sprinkling events of grace even through this time of trial. We must not forget the grace we have received: getting out of the lease, enjoying the last month in S.F., money in the account to live on, my parents opening up their home, check from your parents, truck from my grandmother, wonderful healthy baby girl, diapers and clothes for Azzi, etc…. As hard as it is grasp, this story is not about us, it’s about the glory of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. The one who came to reconcile all things to himself. Although we may “feel” like this doesn’t make sense it doesn’t make it true. Our God is worthy of our trust, praise, and glory under all circumstances, even this one. Our feelings will lie to us, but our feelings don’t discount what God says or the authority of his word, even if we see nothing on the horizon.
So we wait on our God. Therefore the LORD waits to be gracious to you, and therefore he exalts himself to show mercy to you. For the LORD is a God of justice; blessed are all those who wait for him. Isaiah 30:18 As ugly as the waiting may look, we must wait. We must press on and commit this time to trusting God to provide for his people. We must learn from the Israelites who wanted to go back to slavery in Egypt when God had given them the promise land. He knows your going through this great wilderness. These forty years the Lord your God has been with you. You have lacked nothing. Deuteronomy 2:7 God can, will, and is using this for our good and his glory. He will sustain us and be everything we need.
I know we joke about possibly looking back on this someday and seeing that it wasn’t that bad and I hope that we can. But most of all, I pray God will open our eyes to the grace he has had over us this entire time. Keeping us from harm, strengthening our marriage, protecting us from things we couldn’t foresee, and being our provision day and night. I pray that this will strengthen us for next time life takes an unexpected turn. Most of all, I pray his name will be glorified.
Ashley, I love you! Thanks for walking through this with me, hand in hand. You are my greatest encouragement and joy this side of heaven.
James
D.V.
