I did something this past weekend at church that I have never done before. My spirit was moved during the sermon which had to do with money. Past Waren was talking about the importance of getting the whole money issue correct. Matthew 6:19-20 states: Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. Pastor Warren pointed out that you decide where your heart is. It just doesn't go somewhere without you putting it there first. The place where your heart is is where you give. Yes I have sat in church many times before and heard the same thing said. It hasn't been the same as it was today though. God has put me in a situation financially that I can't even begin to tell you what a burden it feels like. Yet he has done such wonderful prying and chipping and shaping of me that I can now start to understand the whole heart thing. How in the world does He do this thing that He does when he turns our troubles, sorrows, and disappointments around for our good and betterment of our future. His way are not our ways and his thoughts not our thoughts. To say all that and that not to be what made me cry. What did it was the fact that I was in church and the pastor was talking about a huge issue in our world today. Money, materialism, greed, desire for more, etc....I was used to sitting there feeling accused for not following this part of God's plan for his people. And yet this time, I agreed. My spirit actually was moved to say yes, I agree. I felt and knew that this was a part of my thinking now. God was doing things in my life and shaping me in such a way that I was making the right (or better) decision to trust God with this area of my life. That is huge for someone like me who is far from a giving person or someone who feels they have enough. I always have wanted more, could never get enough. For the first time, though I knew that God was at work on this area of my life. He actually has been for some time now. And funny it all started with a load of debt. As I'm sitting there in the service, listening to the pastor tell people that they need to pray for such a thing to happen in their lives, I started to thank God for doing this work in mine. I know full well (really I say it but hopefully I come to understand I had nothing to do with it) that God had done this work in my life. How incredible is it to feel the power of your spirit in line with that of the Creators. Thank God. From there I began to cry for I thought about how big of a sinner I am and how much I don't deserve to "get it." He saved me, far greater a gift is that than any part of "getting" anything. Why me? I'm saved, He chose me to understand this big issue in our world today. Do I totally get it? No. Does my flesh and spirit go back and forth trying to battle over this area of my life? Yes. Am I a huge giver? No. Do I pray that the Holy Spirit continues to do this work in my life that I may be the type of person God calls me to be? Without question. Am I deserving of this? No. But He tells me He loves me anyways and because of Him He desires to give me all things. What a God we serve.
JTH
